I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We named our party play list daddy issues
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
