I am midnight drunk by noon
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
should my penis look like a turkey
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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