Umm I'm too high to move.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
