I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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