Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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