I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
