just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
