You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
