I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
