I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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