you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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