So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
