Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
as a side note pls kill me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
