Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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