Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
