Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
