So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
