Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
