I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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