i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
