so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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