That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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