hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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