just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
