Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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