it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dicks are not precious.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
