I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
