YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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