I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
