this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
