he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
