"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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