I am in a vortex of obligation.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
