you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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