my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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