I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
