I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize