My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
