i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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