When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
