she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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