So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
