Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
