NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
