I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
