Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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