All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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