So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
