imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
