DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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