he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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