Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
