We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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