i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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