why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
