My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
