I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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