so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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