You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
