Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
