dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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