Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
