you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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