I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
